can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
