you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
