i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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