Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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