My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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