but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
