its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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