I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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