Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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