Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
