Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
