You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
