We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
