If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
