with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
