I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
