I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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