i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
