I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
