We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Randomize
