Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
