I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
