Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
