what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
