so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
