I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
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