How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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