who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
