I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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