Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
