he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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