distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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