You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
