I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
