I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
