I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
