there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Randomize
