I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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