I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
