Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
