My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
