I just cut my nipple shaving
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
