I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
