it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
