What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
