I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
