My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
