Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
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