The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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