The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
