her facebook's as public as her vagina
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
