She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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